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Thursday, July 03, 2003

where is the love?


haiis. just felt like blogging so much. gonna write what i really think and leave it there and i aint gna blog for a long time.

ever since i dont know when, i feel that part of me is missing. i hate to be alone. i want a lot of friends. but so many just entered and left. maybe they havent left but the feeling is so different. something is changing. i swear and i know it is my fault. come on mans. the thing with sebby, i started it. well, at least we are still friends. -shrugs-

and sometimes, i just feel that some pple that i call my good friends dont even know me that well. sometimes i want so much to do something yet i just cant make it for some reason and i have to, i really have to say "nevermind larhs. you guys go on. dont bother about me." but sometimes and i know, i am missing out on something. guess they really cant be bothered whether i go or not. or else they only care about them going and cant be bothered to change the date and such so i can make it. and it hurts you know. when your friends messages you later on and tells you what a great time she had. i dont know.

well, i know. i aint that grateful for my life. really. people really have more probs then this but you dont know what i have been through. yepps. tell people my probs. yeah sure. but not everything. some things are just so personal that i really cant tell. at least not now. i dont know. well, i swear even if i tell people my probs, 20% dont care and 80% are happy i have them. it's true. and even though the words might not show it. i know it. no-one will care. i know it. actions speaks louder than words. and whenever someone has a prob they dont wna tell me. i am damnit freaking worried but the person doesnt care that i am worried. i really care and wna be a good friend and just lend a listening ear. but no. and in the end, i turn out to be the bad friend who doesnt care.

it hurts me like hell but who cares? i can and i will look you guys in the eye and tell you i am happy now. with my life. it has never been better. (:

[ 9:59 PM ]

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